Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Spiders

I am deathly afraid of spiders.  I couldn't even post a picture of a real spider because I start shaking and yelling swear words.  So I thought Spiderman would have to take the place.  Thank you Spiderman.

Today as I was making my bed and picking up the room I notice a GINORMOUS spider on the ottoman at the foot of my bed.  Holy ____!!!!  What do I do?  Dave of course isn't home.  Alex is at school so she can't save me, dang it.  I'm on the phone with my sis who tells me, "Go get the Raid!"  I have no Raid.  But would have been good to have in a situation like this.  (Note to self.)  I run and get the vacuum and decide that it is too big to be sucked into the vacuum and who wants a huge spider in their vacuum that will come and kill you later?

In the mean time I hang up with my sis and continue to have a staring contest with the GINORMOUS spider.  I've been holding the vacuum going through my options while Avery is comforting me saying, "Scary, scary!"  (Good mom.)  Then it moves.  I swear it was coming straight for us so I grab Avery fumbling with the vacuum with bad words flying. (Again, good mom.)  So while I'm saying bad words and saving me and my baby it crawls underneath the ottoman where I can't see it.  This is worse.  Will I ever sleep in my bedroom again?  No.  So I have been calling Dave hoping he'll drop everything at work and come save me.  No.  He tells me to flip the ottoman over and put a bowl over it so when he gets home he'll kill it.  Thanks, Dave.  Good idea.  (Bad word.)

Still going over my options, I now have a bowl, the vacuum, my crying baby and a stick to move it off the ottoman and onto the floor so I can put a bowl over it.  I'm thinking at this point, "I'm tough!  I can do this!"  So I flip the ottoman over!  (More swear words eek out. Sorry.)  And no spider running for cover.  But then I spot it!  Hiding next to one of the legs.  So I spend another 10 minutes with the vacuum pointed at it, sweating and going over my options.  

Then it came to me!  I decide to drag the ottoman out the front door.  Brilliant.  

Everything went beautifully.  I dragged the ottoman to the door, opened the door very wide and carefully threw my ottoman outside into nature.  But don't think I didn't make sure that thing was off that ottoman and out of my life!  Yay for me!  

Dave says I have a problem.  I thought he'd be proud of his proactive wife gettin' things done and facing her fears!  Thanks for the support, babe!  Can you tell I can't drive and have way too much time on my hands?  44 days and counting.  I need a widget!




11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just peed my pants!! Gotta get some RAID!! I swear our family has huge issues with bugs...we need therapy!!! Hilarious!
Kate

Husband Dave said...

Wow. My wife has problems. (Bless her heart.) You all have to know that whenever she sees a spider, she screams for me to come, promising me that it's the biggest one she's ever seen. It never is. It was probably pretty big this time, but we're not talking a tarantula here. That being said, I wish I could have been there for her. But I think we're all grateful she has this fear so we can enjoy blog entries like this one. Hilarious!

Katie D. said...

Wait, you swear?

Katie D. said...

Also, that picture on your profile is not you, is it?

Michelle Bair said...

Whats up with the Bair kids!?! I have to save Aaron from scorpions and other gross bugs!!
Here is a link to get your self a countdown widget:
http://www.widgetbox.com/tag/countdown

Mandee said...

Nice widget.

Thanks for the tunes tonight. Love Jon Secada and Richard Marx.

Julie Huish said...

You are hilarious Stephanie! Just wait till little Alex is in 7th grade. Cassie has to collect 50 bugs/spiders for science class and then stick a needle through them to display on cardboard. It is SICK!!! She actually found a big daddy roach in my sister's pool in Arizona and we brought it back in a plastic bag! AAGGGHHH!!!

Mindy said...

Next time call me, I won't help, just watch and laugh.

Marianne said...

Loved the story...Michelle and I sat and read it together and were dying. I absolutely hate spiders too! IKate is in training!

jakeandstephanietaylor said...

Im with Mindy...except I will be sweating with you, and helping you throw the bowl across the room hoping it lands on the spider. Once..ok twice Ive called a neighbor or a home teacher...REALLY, im not kidding-its sad. Arachnophobia is a sad disease...I suffer horribly. The shaking and sweating is the worst part-Another time I called Jake to see if he was going to be home soon...there was a HUGE beetle in the doorway of Christians room...and HE was in his crib. I couldnt even go in the room to get him. I was to scared to even walk past it. SAD!!! Good thing Christian is such a good baby and just played in his bed till daddy came home and rescued US! I have lots of spider stories but obviously cant tell stories like you:) Another talent I dont have...

Kim said...

Three words...Guardian Pest Control! While I still see things every once in awhile...it is VERY rare! Service is guaranteed--so I get my $$$ worth and call EVERY time I see anything even close to coming into my house. :) I hate spiders and so does my husband!